the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
