We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
