im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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