Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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