new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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