oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
