so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
