I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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