I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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