That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
