im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
