I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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