All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
