My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
