can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
