im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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