you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
