stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
