You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
