I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
