Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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