We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
