I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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