Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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