I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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