um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
