Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
