It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Mom said you looked used
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize