I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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