The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
