yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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