Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize