Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
