Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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