yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
