No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
