i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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