This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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