Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize