Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
