Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
