Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
