Tell her she can't have a vagina
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
whose parrot is this?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
