Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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