Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
