What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
