He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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