You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
