I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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