Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
