We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
