wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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