Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize