It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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