"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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