Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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