I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
