Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
