As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
