Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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