i think my tv is drunk
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize