so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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