I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize