He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
