There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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