We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
