brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
