Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
