His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
