the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
