4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My vagina is officially offended.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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