So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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