i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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