he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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