Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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